I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
