...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
