wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
