woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
