He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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