this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
