I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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