you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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