so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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