Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I will pee on everything he values.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
