I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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