there's paper in my vomit.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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