Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i believe in u and ur pee
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize