well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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