I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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