I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
