I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
