Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
