Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
