is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
