So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
