i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
