I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
