Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
