Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
