don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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