I will die if light touches me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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