You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
