my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
