It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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