Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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