you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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