respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My balls are so social today.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
