we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
