not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
