Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
