first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
