woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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