did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
