Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
