I want to make a zoo with you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize