Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
