Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
