just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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