I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
