so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
