He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
