can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
