He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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