Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
