I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
