So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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