do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
