ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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