Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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