There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You pole danced in your parka.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
