I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
