they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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