woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's the barista slut.
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
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Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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