i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
