maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
