I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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