i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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