it was like his penis was on wheels.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
