Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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